[REQUEST] Gorgoroth: Antichrist

Antichrist

Best song: …there’s a best song? okay, Gorgoroth

Worst song: Possessed By Satan

Overall grade: 1

[Author’s note: Because everything conspires against this site, my excuse of the week is illness. Also, an apology for what I reviewed here. It was a request. I hope never to be asked to review anything else by the band. >.>]

Gorgoroth are a Norwegian black metal band named after an evil place in Lord of the Rings, which I’ve seen once and don’t entirely remember. They’ve released about nine albums and use, variously, English, Norwegian and Latin words for their song titles. Lots of black metal fans hold the band’s first three albums (of which this is the second) as a defining example of the genre, and truthfully, this album is outstanding in many ways. For example, if it was supposed to be a way of making sure you never got any visitors, it would be excellent. Similarly, it might be good at scaring people into doing whatever you want. It would probably even do nicely as an insect repellent. However, as an album of music, to be listened to, enjoyed and analysed, it falls short in several key ways.

The first problem is, let’s be honest, with the word ‘music’. I imagine ‘Antichrist’ would be highly enjoyable for anyone who really, really can’t stand music. When I listen to it, I feel the need to have the sound turned right down low for fear of being overwhelmed by feelings of despair that anybody could actually make this.

Really, this is more of an EP than an album, since there are only five tracks that are longer than 20 seconds, and the total length is twenty-five minutes. Even if this album did have a strong concept or musical flow, we’re not really given enough time to get into it here. The first twenty seconds are entitled the Norwegian equivalent of ‘A Rank Smell of Christian Blood’, which is probably simultaneously the worst and most offensive song title I’ve ever heard, and this quality is second only to the song itself, which consists solely of distorted animal noises, and is quite plainly the shortest overlong track in existence.

Track two is entitled ‘Mountain Troll’s Revenge’, which could easily be setting us up for an entertainingly cheesy slice of fantasy rock, but it’s not to be. Actually, the riff that’s played at the beginning isn’t all that heavy at all and could almost be catchy, but it’s repeated and sped up to death until you’re so sick of it that even the vocals become preferable. And the vocals would very rarely be preferable, considering they contain no actual melody, and are rasped so much that it’s impossible to make out the lyrics.

The third track (named after the band themselves) actually does have some sort of melody that I can just about hear in the background, but all the weird distortion noises in the front completely drown it out, so you’re always stretching for it and never reaching it, which is highly unsatisfying. As time goes on, the melody comes more into play, and there’s a folk influence hiding in there, which probably makes it the most tolerable of the songs here. ‘Possessed By Satan’ is the worst, though. Allegedly, it has a different vocalist to the previous two, but I wouldn’t have noticed without being told; they sound like generic unclean vocals to me, of the kind that can work well in moderation but that are seriously overused here. It’s serious filler, indistinguishable from the dullest parts of any other song, and has no redeeming features that I can see.

I imagine that if this band were to make a good song, it would be an instrumental, but there’s just not enough variety in ‘Heavens Fall’ to make it so. Extreme heaviness works best, in my opinion, when it’s got something to contrast with, to be heavier than. When it’s all the same, there’s no benchmark and no progression, and the track doesn’t seem to vary its emotions, just staying dark and militaristic and crushing the whole time.

Final track ‘Sorrow’ is slowed down and sounds like a funeral march, like they got really tired after all the fast stuff, the chanting in the background helping with that mood. Much like the last song, there’s a deliberate, controlled beat keeping it together, and, well, often not much else. I don’t know if the drums and guitar actually recorded this whole piece or if they just recorded two bars and copy and  pasted them a hundred times. The worst part is that the guitar player actually seems to have talent. He just doesn’t make the most of it.

There’s also a bonus track! It’s about ten seconds of running water. It’s a grand artistic statement. No, I’m just kidding, it really is nothing but running water.

“Music”, “tunes”, and other air quoted things aside, I guess one of Gorgoroth’s defining characteristics is their subject matter. Now, I respect freedom of speech and therefore, if a band wants to write exclusively about medieval Satanism, they can, even if I personally don’t agree with it at all. However, Gorgoroth do this thing where they refuse to release their song lyrics to the public, and I suspect it has something to do with them not actually being that good. I mean, they’re hardly the first band to make the whole devil-worshipping thing their trademark, and to keep it in any way creative there has to be a certain amount of lyrical talent. I can’t say for sure, but from what I can hear and what I can infer, I’d guess that there is none.

All in all, I couldn’t ever recommend this album to anyone, even if I didn’t like them. The moments of vague pleasantness are so few and far between that they’re probably accidental and what I most enjoy about listening to it is counting the seconds until it ends.

The thing is, black metal is not the type of music I listen to. Some people like it, though. I can understand the face that some people enjoy music that is incredibly heavy, raw and dark, and puts power and intensity above melody – that’s just personal preferences. I can even understand that to some people, the subject matter of the album is interesting. What I can’t get over is the sheer repetitiveness of everything here. Every musical idea contained within could be squashed into the length of a standard single and I wouldn’t feel like I was being deprived of anything: heavy cannot be a substitute for interesting.